Never, Ever Mess With His?
by AC1830
Summary: During a bar fight Adam gets thrown out of the saloon and lands at Hoss' feet. Hoss is not going to like the reason. A fun brotherly story.


**Never, Ever Mess with His…?**

Hoss casually strolled up the street to meet Adam at the saloon. It had been a good day and the tune he whistled made it just that much better. As he approached the brothers' favorite watering hole, Hoss pulled up short. The noises assaulting his ears told him there was a brawl happening inside. Hoss checked his gun and made sure his hat was on snug, then prepared to enter the fray. Before he took his next step, a dark-clad figure sailed through the swing doors, rolled over the boardwalk and came to rest on his back right at Hoss' feet. Stunned speechless, Hoss peered down at his older brother.

Adam shook his head trying to clear it. His spinning eyes landing on his brother staring down at him. As the twisting double images coalesced into one very large brother, Adam quickly closed his eyes. Opening them slowly again, he was quite disappointed that Hoss was still there.

"Adam, whatcha ya doin' down there?"

Adam rolled his eyes and groaned as he begrudgingly held his arm out for some assistance to get up. Hoss cheerfully obliged, hauling his now irritated brother to his feet in one smooth pull. Adam dusted himself off, checked that his gun was still in its holster, and patted his head. His hat, where was his hat? Adam spun around looking for the black Stetson, when it finally occurred to him that his beloved hat was still in the saloon.

"Um Hoss, would you mind going in to get my hat?"

Hoss screwed up his face, looked at the batwing doors, then back to Adam. Evidently his brother took a bad hit and wasn't thinking straight.

"Uh, yeah Adam, sure. But why can't you go fetch it yourself?"

"Once you go in there, you'll know. Besides, if I go in, there'll be one less Cartwright on this earth."

Hoss gulped, took on a stern expression and pushed the doors aside. He had to know what it was that sent his strong, well-fighting brother sailing out of the saloon and not wanting to go back in and retrieve his own hat.

All grew quiet as Hoss entered the saloon. The barkeeper was resetting some tables and stopped in his task upon seeing the larger Cartwright brother.

"I don't want no more trouble in here Hoss. You just take him an' get out."

Puzzled, Hoss followed Cosmos' gaze over to the corner of the barroom. Sitting cockeyed on the floor was his youngest brother, wearing of all things, Adam's hat, on top of his own. A frown creased Hoss' features, as the stepped over debris to reach Joe.

"Joe, what's the meaning of this? What happened in here?"

Joe's head bobbed up and down before finally staying still long enough to focus on Hoss' unhappy face. He moaned and looked sickly. Boy he was in trouble now.

Hoss decided not to wait for an answer. He yanked Joe to his feet and over his shoulder in one smooth move while catching both hats with his free hand. Pausing at the bar he dropped a wad of cash on the counter and marched out.

Hoss found Adam sitting on the edge of the boardwalk picking dust out of his nails. Joe was dropped unceremoniously at Adam's feet.

"You two fix this now or I'm going to do more damage to the both of ya."

Joe sheepishly handed Adam his black hat, which Adam snatched away as he rolled to his feet. He marched off down the street toward the wagon. Hoss looked between Adam and Joe, then followed. Joe sat for another moment then stood and ran off to catch his brothers.

"Hey come on now, it's not my fault. Adam's got to loosen up a bit, take a joke now and then."

Adam whirled on his little brother, his eyes nearly as black as their pa's. Joe found a very long finger very close to his face. "You never, ever mess with my hat. You hear me?"

Joe barely nodded, afraid that anything more would get him a good pounding. Hoss's mouth dropped to the ground, then he rounded on his little brother. "Ah, Joe you didn't…"

Looking a bit green around the gills and very sheepish, he nodded. "Yeah, I did. But Hoss I couldn't resist. He….."

Hoss threw up his hands and stormed away. "I don't wanna hear it. None of it."

He climbed up into the wagon seat beside Adam. Joe swung himself up onto the supplies in the back.

Half way home, Hoss started to chuckle, which got louder as he failed to control his mirth. Despite the icy look given him by Adam and the stony look by Joe, Hoss' blue eyes continued to twinkle as he laughed the rest of the way home. This day just couldn't get any better as he envisioned that story making its way around town.


End file.
